Those times that I hurt you and yet you gave me such good and warm memories....
The pair of Ginger bread man
The card
The leaves
The kangaroo
The wiper and bulb
The black t-shirt
The pictures
The rides back from KL
The meals we had
The songs
and most of all........
A promising FUTURE with both of us in it.
I couldn't thank you enough.
ILU 4LW
Tuesday 22 March 2011
Saturday 19 March 2011
Relationships - The way i see it.
Couples argue. Period. Any couple who says, “We never fight!,, I would question the quality of their relationship.
For me a good relationship must have its hardship and what really makes it good and better each time is how they have overcome the obstacles they face along the way.
I met my other half a year and a half ago and i must say, we argue a lot - some with a slight tremor while the rest were rather catastrophically heart breaking. But whichever it may be whether it is the former or latter, the question is;
Do we want to let go of our relationships to die off just because there is a bump or a obstruction ahead?
and the next question is,
How much do you value your relationship?
If a couple are communicating openly and honestly, they are going to disagree at some point and at some point some information might rubs the other wrong way. The truth hurts, but a relationship that is sustained by lies and unspoken words are agonizing and ultimately it won't go far as there is a saying 'You can't wrap fire with paper' and eventually the fire would burn everything that matters to you to a pile of dirt.
You can't escape from arguments in a healthy relationship, the idea of it is to go through it together and not alone. It is going to be tough and heart wreaking (which from this I got to know what is the feeling of being heart broken and heart ache - literally). As much as it hurts you, your other half is hurting too. Work it out together and the reward at after that is so promising and at that moment i assure you its worth the pain. The pain is short but devastating and what ever come after that, is going to leave a memory that you would find yourself smiling each time you think of it.
When things are bad.
For me a good relationship must have its hardship and what really makes it good and better each time is how they have overcome the obstacles they face along the way.
I met my other half a year and a half ago and i must say, we argue a lot - some with a slight tremor while the rest were rather catastrophically heart breaking. But whichever it may be whether it is the former or latter, the question is;
Do we want to let go of our relationships to die off just because there is a bump or a obstruction ahead?
and the next question is,
How much do you value your relationship?
If a couple are communicating openly and honestly, they are going to disagree at some point and at some point some information might rubs the other wrong way. The truth hurts, but a relationship that is sustained by lies and unspoken words are agonizing and ultimately it won't go far as there is a saying 'You can't wrap fire with paper' and eventually the fire would burn everything that matters to you to a pile of dirt.
You can't escape from arguments in a healthy relationship, the idea of it is to go through it together and not alone. It is going to be tough and heart wreaking (which from this I got to know what is the feeling of being heart broken and heart ache - literally). As much as it hurts you, your other half is hurting too. Work it out together and the reward at after that is so promising and at that moment i assure you its worth the pain. The pain is short but devastating and what ever come after that, is going to leave a memory that you would find yourself smiling each time you think of it.
When things are bad.
1. Make specific complaints & requests (when X happened, I felt Y, I want Z)
2. Listen well. Pay attention to the core emotions your other half is expressing and listen to what your other half really wants/needs.
3. Validate your other half. Show empathy. Let him/her know that you understand what he/she is saying and feeling.
4. Show appreciation and be positive. It takes 5 positive interactions to compensate for one negative interaction! Stack up on the positives.
5. Take responsibility. Ask yourself, “What can I learn from this?” & “What can I do about it?”.
6. Re-write your inner script. Replace thoughts of righteous indignation or innocent victimization with thoughts of appreciation that are soothing & validating.
7. Practice letting go. Allow your partner’s fighting words to be what they really are: just words and thoughts. Let go of the stories that you are making up.
And the best part of fighting ~ making up, of course
At current state I love my relationship with my other half and where it is heading despite those heart wreaking moments but if I think about it now, those were the moments that have mightily fortified it.
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